If I wear a mask long enough, my face slowly conforms, giving up its independence. It feels safer that way. So I stay with it – and a piece of me goes missing.
If I live in a culture long enough, I begin to wear its premise..,fit into its contours, defend its Lies. It simplifies things…so I stay with it. And a little more of me chips away.
Convenience is addictive. It gets doled out in small doses so it seems harmless. But it is death by a million compromises…the slow surrender to being generic because the task of being fully alive is so incredibly difficult.
I see it in the Guests at the Hotel. I see it in myself. And just when I’m about to settle into the trance of daily life, the White Rabbit shows up – bag full of illusions, poised to send me down another rabbit hole.
So I take the bait and tumble again. Last time I ended up in a room haunted by an ancient piano. (see Trakker Diary, The Rabbit Whole). This time it’s a hard landing in an urban dreamscape.
The City prowls on every side. Streets without destinations, people and shapes without names. I brace myself for danger but something’s changed. I feel vulnerable and unmasked…risk but strangely emancipated. And when I start to walk, the Lies seem to drop away, scattering behind me like road dust.
I find myself opening, listening to the music of the streets. A saxophone wailing from a tenement balcony. Footsteps pounding down a back alley, a couple kissing under a streetlamp.
All around, the City glitters with pain and beauty. There’re Vampires and Cowgirls, kids full of dark prayer pulling at me, wanting a piece of my light.
But I’m on a roll and keep moving. I’ve found the core again. A place in my soul that holds a single soundless Note…that defies understanding, that has no ownership…but remains mine forever.
An internal rhythm is gaining momentum. It may last an instant…or go on forever. I don’t care. Right now I feel the swagger…a big cat striding through the urban jungle. Free to engage…free to let go…finally autonomous.
Head full of moonlight…Heart like a train…like a Tiger.